I now have a newborn. She’s 5 weeks old today and is the love of my life. I haven’t been posting here lately as I was just too exhausted during the last trimester of my pregnancy. And now I’m exhausted from lack of sleep.
Having said that, I love writing way too much to completely stop, so I decided that since my posts going forward will mostly be about the baby and being a first time mom, I decided to start a new blog. I’d love for you, my current followers, to follow my new blog: Above the High Tide. I probably won’t be able to write everyday, as I have to sneak writing in between feedings, diaper changes, play time and naps. Oh, not to mention housework.
See you there!
By the way, I still plan to keep this blog active when I need to ramble about non-baby related topics. 😄
I can hear death calling me but I say nothing. I’m tired. Tired of banging my now-bruised hands against the walls of the box that constrain me. Tired of not being able to move or see. My screams for help have gone unheard. Hope and sanity have left with the feeling in my body and mind.
I have no concept of time. Day or night, it’s all the same. A darkness and an evil coldness that numb my existence.
Death’s voices sound closer than ever. My time has come. I start to float deeper away, my mind no longer present.
A warm breeze brushes my arms. I open my eyes to a delightful brightness. The ground beneath me is no longer hard and unforgiving. The soft prickles of grass gently tickle my back and joy sweeps over me. I am free! I carefully sit up to find myself in some kind of garden.
“Are you ready to come home, Katie?” A strange but beautiful voice asks, startling me. I am lost for words as I stare at the voice’s angelic face. Speechless, I nod. As gravity pulls me down my heart thumps furiously.
I gasp for air when my body hits the ground.
“She’s breathing!” shouts the voice next to me. “Katie! Katie, can you hear us?”
My eyes pop open. I’m surrounded by strangers telling me that everything will be okay. I turn my head to see a pile of dirt and coffin beside me and I let out a whimper of relief.
My predator failed to box me in.
I started a blog a few years ago when, for the first time in my life, I had no plans and suddenly felt like a lost little lamb. But instead of the weight-off-my-shoulder relief I had anticipated through blogging, I felt like I had just undressed myself, taking off one layer of clothing at a time.
Had I really reveal my private thoughts to the entire world? I was torn between wanting my blog to be read by many and not being read at all. But publicizing my feelings made me feel naked. So I decided to put my clothes back on and delete my blog. From that point on, I made up my mind. Blogging was not for me.
So why start one now?
I understand now that how much I reveal is within my control. I don’t have to undress all the way. Thoughts of writing consume me from the moment I wake up to the moment I close my eyes at night. Although I write for work and I enjoy that tremendously, I itch to write outside of the corporate realm.
So I’m starting a blog now simply because I want to write.
Yes, I’m ready to undress….but only halfway 🙂